IRONMAN

IRON MAN

IRON MAN!!! Every year we have the IRON MAN triathlon in our city. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ironman_triathlon Today is the day for it. I am not a swimmer, I am not a biker and I am definitely not a runner.. this competition is not something I would ever desire to do. I am amazed at what the IRON MAN has to do to become an IRON MAN. Not just the race, which consists of 2.4 mile swim (water temps in the high 50's), 112 mile bike and a 26.2 mile run.... but all the months of training. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Just the thought of having to eat healthier and eat stuff that actually fuels my body instead of drain and drag it down... heck no!!!! I want my butter, I want my cheese...  I sure as heck am not going to be swimming in that frigid lake, riding a bike not once but twice up one of the steepest inclines in our area and then running around town. NO!!!! 

I am very proud to have a family member, Uncle Dave, that is a IRON MAN... As well as, several officers with our agency, that have run to the finish line and become IRON MEN. Keep up the good work and thanks for making me realize I love food far more then I love being fit and healthy.... but maybe that can change to?!?!?!?!

IRON MAN

Another IRON MAN that has become a familiar sight in our crazy house is the Marvel Comics IRON MAN http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_Man This IRON MAN is the main IRON MAN to my daughters and Marco. I think it is adorable.

When my parents and I moved to CC, the next year Brother S was born and two years later Brother P was born... (BTW Brother P's B-Day today!! Happy Birthday Brother!!) Not only were my only siblings boys, but out of the 16 cousins there are 12 boys. I was outnumbered.. I took on the motto "Can Beat Em, Join Em"... So I played sports and I buried GI Joes and I climb hills and jumped off bridges... but more importantly growing up in the 80's & 90's watching the most AWESOME Saturday morning cartoons like.. Power Rangers, Transformers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Spider man, Batman & Robin and the best was X-Men. So of course I played with the toys and grew up pretty much a Tomboy. Marco the same, out of all of the cousins on his side there was only one girl. ALL BOYS... So when we found out we were pregnant I was positive we were going to have a boy.

Always had thoughts of mud pies and broken bones, football games and rough housing and never cupcakes and tutus or Strawberry Shortcake and fluffy stuff. But when the ultrasound tech told me it was a girl i was down right shocked... not sad for a minute just freaking shocked. Then it was on, MNL went nuts and everything brought through the door for the next 6 months had to be either pink, purple, bows or sparkles. I never wore pink, though my mother said it always looked good on me, I was a Tomboy. But after all that pink was in our house I began to love it, i was wearing pink and i was putting bows in my hair. I was having a girl and it was AWESOME!!!

12 months after Thing 1 was born we were pregnant again and I knew this one was a boy. When the tech was checking this time.. I saw it.. and I said it... well I busted out laughing. We again were having a girl. Which again in my mind was AWESOME. Not only can I use all the clothes that my first barley wore but I already knew about girl babies. I knew I more than likely wasn't going to have another child and was sad for Marco that I didn't give him a baby boy. He is totally outnumbered, 4 females in his house and he is the only male. And now his house was like a pretty pretty princess doll house. He always made the best of it. Luckily Thing 1 is a people pleaser like me, and she wanted to do anything and everything her daddy would do. So she started watching animated super hero cartoons with him. He started going to the boys section and picking out superhero shirts for my princess.  Slowly our princess is turning into a superhero. He started buying superhero toys and she fully embraced it. Thing 1 is super smart and if you ask her now about superheros she can tell you everything, but right now her favorite is IRON MAN.

IRON MAN

Which then brings me to my real life IRON MAN. Marco is my super hero.  I never tell him and that's going to change.  He may never do a load of laundry or mop the floors but he loves his kids and would do anything for them. Thing 1 & Thing 2 have made him into the super hero he is today.  He doesn't fly and he doesn't have super human strength but he had a heart of gold and adores our Things.  Both Things first words were "DaDa" and as sad as I was that it wasn't "MaMa" I was just as happy that it was "DaDa"

He is the best dad he can be and its what the Things need. Marco didn't grow up with his father around much and I know it is extremely important to him to have that relationship with him.

So here's to all the IRON MEN; triathletes, socialite billionaire industrialists and fathers that love their families!!!  You are AMAZING and with your super hero powers, may they be flying and fighting evil, or just changing a CaCa diaper... you have become more than just a man or a husband you have become an IRON MAN!

Marco and Mama

Here's a pic of Marco and I ... was taken 3 days ago. Our friends came up to visit from California. Was great to see them.. but I think I realized how much I miss them. My friend had me crying and thinking and realizing that I need Marco in my life and not just cause he's the baby daddy.

Thanks to my true friends for letting me be me... but most importantly loving me for me :)

Goodnight!... Hopefully .....

Change!!!

I HAVE NO IDEA!

I really dont know what i am doing here, but I am here and if this doesn't help anyone else to read my rants and bullsh*t, I know its going to help me to get it out of my brain.

The reason why I am starting this blog is, today is the first day of the new life I would like to live.... I know this may seem like a thing that is said everytime someone gives up on something and wants to start new and fresh.  But the truth for me is that I want what I have, its just me who needs to do the changing and I sure as hell am not ready to give up on life. 

To start, those who dont know me... and can't figure out from the name... I am Married... I work as a 911 Emergency Communications Officer and the best part about me.... I am a MOM!  That last part is the part I am most proud of.  I love my kids! The are far far from perfect angels but none of us are and I love them just how they are.    I will introduce you all to them later... for now I can talk about this crazy person starting a blog.

As you can see from above I am a woman and blonde (most of the time).  I think I am relatively funny.. well my co workers laugh at me cause i say stupid sh*t all the time so thats why i think i am funny.  Some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth I think "WTF...Really?? Did you really just say that.. in public?? on the police radio??" but its usually funny.  I am a born leader and its a good and bad trait.  I am the perfect mix of my parents. My mom is patient, kind and loving and my father is a leader, strong and smart. I work on being patient and strong everyday.  I try but man its hard work. 

I work shift work with the local 911 Emergency Dispatch Center and sometimes I wish I had the patience of a saint... cause the things that come in my head while the public is calling is "REALLY?? Did you really just call to report that you have a Medical Alert Cat (if that is even a real thing) following you down the road?"   Can't the dam cat walk down the road in peace without someone thinking there is something wrong?  But instead I take the call, enter the information about the Medical Alert Cat and dispatch it over the police radio (without laughing).   But it is stuff like that, that tests my patience everyday. Thankfully I need my job.  Otherwise I would have laughed at him told him he needed to check himself into a mental hospital and hung up on him. I have minor outburst of being impatient while on these calls and when i feel i need to let it out, thank GOD for the mute button on the phone.  One of these days that button is not going to work and the public is going to see how we really feel about them and there silly Medical Alert Cats.

Ok.. you know I am married and for pure enjoyment on my side, and my supervisor Staci... my husbands name is Marco.. not in real life but here on blog.   Reason for Marco is pretty funny to me.  My husband is of American Indian decent, hes not a card carrying member for a specific tribe but its in his blood and features.  Therefore he has the darker skin dark hard and beautifully sexy hazel eyes. Anyways anytime my supervisor Staci thinks of my husband she thinks his name is Marco and I think its hilarious.   Marco and I have known each other since i was 18... dating since I was 22 and married since I was 26.  He puts up with me and for that reason alone I am the luckiest woman alive. He is the main reason why I am making this life change.   I want to be a better wife and a better friend cause dammit... he deserves it.   Eventually I will divulge what I have put this man through but for now just know my relationship with him is what I want to change and work on.  

I was born at the, now closed but opening again in late 2012, Martin Luther King Jr Memorial Hospital in Southern California. My mom was 16 and my dad was 20, babies themselves they found themselves married and expecting me. We lived in Corona? or Riverside or maybe a combo of both.  My mom is a horse lover and my dad a computer programmer.  Heres the thing I am now 32 and theyre still married and freaking happily married at that.  Thats what i WANT.  I know they werent always happily and I dont know most of the details but I know there were fights and I know there was make up sex... lol sorry mom :)  Anyways 27 years from now I want to have the relationship with Marco that they have... loving caring and considerate relationship.  

Marco and I grew up in the SCV (Santa Clarita Valley).. not sure if anyone calls it that anymore but its the community that once only consisted of 4 towns... Canyon Country, Newhall, Saugus and Valencia. My parents and I moved to Canyon Country when I was about 3 and Marco was born at the hospital in Valencia.  Canyon Country known for the lower class and Valencia for the upper class.   When I was about to go to high school we moved over to Newhall.  Newhall is the older part of town but had some very nice and expensive houses.  My father, co-owner and operator of a computer programmer business, was making more money as an owner and we were fortunate to move to the nicer area of SCV, that also had better schools for academic and athletics.  I was always playing soccer or softball and there were better oppurtunities for me and my siblings in that areas school district.  Marco played basketball, baseball and football.. pretty much anything involving a ball my husband likes to do. Marco and I went to the same school for 3 years (he is a year ahead of me in graduating class) and never met.  Not until after high school, during my wild drug days, that we met.  I was 18.. he was 20 and everyone loved him.  He was the class clown, played football, smoked with the stoners and was a social butterfly.  Everyone that knew him liked him.. hell he was "The Cutest Fat Kid Alive".  We were young and were not serious but looking to have fun and have fun with someone.  And when we were together we had a blast. But sadly Marcos mom, MNL (Mother N Law), got a divorce from Marcos step father, and then moved from the Golden State and moved to the Volunteer State.  Well at 18 and 20 the last thing that sounds good is a long distance relationship and especially when the relationship was purely physical.  So Marco went his way and I went mine.  I would think of him and miss him but never tried to contact him.  When I would here he was back in town for a visit we would meet up but again when he left i thought of him but never did we keep in contact. 

When i was 22, I heard the best news... Marco and MNL, were moving back to town!!!!!   I was working at a local bar and saw his close friend Ren.  Now Ren is a man and its not his real name, but he was the kind of guy I would get shy around. He is good looking, popular and he knew it... lol.    But not this time.. I was older and knew what I wanted.   I wanted Marco and I wanted contact.   So I put my number on a bar napkin and walked right up to Ren looked him in the eyes and say "This is the most important thing you are going to do for me", handed him the napkin and said "Please give it to Marco"... 3 days later i got a call and 2 hours sfter that I was in his living room.  MNL says I came and never left. She loves it... :)  So we dated a while and Christmas Eve 2004 he asked me to be his wife.  Married him 2 years later, first daughter in 2009 and second daughter 2011. But where did that love and want go. Thats why I am here to find out, through my thoughts and memories what it is i love about this man and how I can renew our marriage.

I LOVE MARCO TO DEATH!!!... I have just fallen out of love with him because of life.. but because of something i read on a blog "Diary of a Mad Woman"... I have a new found view on what I want my life to be.  This lady is amazing! Her husband took his own life in front of their children and 5 days after he did this and the day of the funeral she was a victrim of home invasion robbery.   She lost her husband and she had nothing to lose and stood up to the robber protecting her children and coming out of it physically OK.   So i am reading her blog and think about what I am doing in my life and F*CK I AM SELFISH!   Selfish in the marriage to Marco and in other ways.  I have a man that loves me to death and for some reason I have taken him for granted. I know for the past 4 years I have made selfish and hurtful choices but I am changing it. And I am going to change it now.